General Aladeen: Don’t worry, I am Wadiya’s number one actor. You don’t win 4 Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself! | permalink

General Aladeen: I am very proud to be an American. I am America’s number one douche. | permalink

General Aladeen: Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe… 20 million dollars? | permalink

Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
General Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy. | permalink

General Aladeen: Oh it’s a girl. I’m so sorry. Where’s the trashcan?
Pregnant Woman: Oh no we want it! | permalink

- Ryan Reynolds is reportedly now the frontrunner to take over the Christopher Lambert role in the long-developing remake of Highlander. Great news for everyone who saw Wolverine and thought, “That was great and all, but could I please see Ryan Reynolds in just one more terrible film involving swords and beheading?”

- Writer/director Scott Frank’s A Walk Among the Tombstones will star Liam Neeson as a former drunk cop turned recovering unlicensed P.I. on the hunt for the kidnapped wife of a drug dealer. Hey, I bet I know what particular set of skills he will use for this job!

- Morgan Freeman has joined Robert De Niro and Michael Douglas on Last Vegas, a comedy about a wild Las Vegas bachelor party that will be amusing because the cast is familiar and very old. There’s still a fourth old, familiar lead to be cast; try to act surprised when Al Pacino inevitably gets that.

- Nicolas Cage and Mickey Rourke are in talks to join Marble City, a film about a just-released convict on the hunt for revenge. So that should have a fun press junket.

A rare Bill Murray-heavy film to not be driven by an auteur’s distinct voice or Garfield’s love of lasagna, Hyde Park on Hudson is an adaptation of a BBC radio play about a weekend of monarch-meeting and wild, wild cousin love for noted cousin-lover/president Franklin Delano Roosevelt, played by Murray. The film comes from Notting Hill director Roger Michell, and dramatizes the true story of the weekend King George VI and Queen Elizabeth (the main characters from The King’s Speech, for those whose history is mostly informed by Colin Firth) visiting FDR’s upstate New York cottage. It was also, notably, the weekend FDR supposedly decided his relative (Laura Linney) was lookin’ all-right, and got a little something going on the side with her.

Hyde Park‘s end-of-year release date, inclusion of a beloved actor doing a historical impression, and underlying resonance of King’s Speech stuttering have already made the film a presumptive competitor in the next Oscar race, but this first trailer almost seems to shrug that off, playing like a light-hearted, trifling romantic-comedy-of-manners. Regardless, Murray seems as likable as always, even when doing an FDR voice, and it’s a joy to see him once again alongside Olivia Williams and channeling his frustrations into scotch and cannonballs. Your brain’s Rushmore center will be extremely stimulated.

In the latest Alex Cross film, Tyler Perry temporarily strips away his fat suit to play the detective/psychologist–first portrayed by Morgan Freeman in Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider–as he hunts for his wife’s murderer. Lost‘s Matthew Fox plays said murderer/MMA fighter (spoiler?), and as you can see above, he’s daringly decided to play the role as pure muscle, without the dramatic crutches of hair or skin.

xXx and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor director Rob Cohen helmed the film, so you should probably not expect anything more profound than the Alex Cross commercials from author James Patterson, but if you’re interested in seeing Fox look insane and insanely ripped, or seeing Tyler Perry wear a trenchcoat, here are some photos from the production.

The never-before-seen overlap between Racer X and American History X

Ed Burns is also in this, and he keeps his gun fresh in a little baggy.

Perry is just thinking how much better this scene would be if a loud grandmother character were to storm in.

Tyler Perry’s Die Hard.

Matthew Fox for Cadillac.

First Official Stills of Matthew Fox, Edward Burns and Tyler Perry In ‘Alex Cross’ [TheFilmStage]

Wise to leave all the film’s spurting whipped cream out of this shot. This way it will take the guy defacing the bus shelter at least another twenty seconds to draw in the semen.

Katy Perry: Part of Me Poster [IMPA]

Noting, “the world is too violent now,” and fearing he is only encouraging this violence every time he fights a man with a refrigerator, Jackie Chan has announced his retirement from action movies. Just as soon as he does Rush Hour 4. And Karate Kid 2. But that’s really more of an acting showcase.

Speaking to reporters at Cannes, promoting his upcoming Chinese Zodiac, Chan claimed “This will be my last big action movie.”

“I love fighting but I hate violence,” Chan added, to explain why he’s through with often hilarious brawling. But that’s not the only reason for retiring his fists: he also wants people to know he’s “not just about fighting,” because it would be a real shame if people started pigeonholing Jackie Chan as just a “Jackie Chan” type. Jackie Chan is also an actor, you guys, and he’s a pretty old guy, and he would like everyone to start recognizing that:

“I don’t just want to be an action star, I want to be a true actor. So for the last 10 years I’ve done other films like The Karate Kid, where I’d rather play an old man.”

Though doing some sequels that would place him again alongside Jennifer Love Hewitt or Billy Ray Cyrus would actually be a pretty effective way of making himself seem a better actor, Chan sadly does not seem to be making any exceptions for any sequels to The Tuxedo or The Spy Next Door. He will totally do another Rush Hour and Karate Kid, though, because that money is crazy and totally worth whatever permanent joint damage it may cause:

“I will ask my body how long I can go. I’m not young anymore,” he said, but added: “In the future I’ll still do Karate Kid 2, Rush Hour 4.”

Phew! But where does this leave us on the action-oriented world of shameless smoothie promotion?

(via!)

With a Short Circuit remake and a farting dog movie on his plate, one would think Alvin and the Chipmunks and Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties director Tim Hill would have more than enough servings live-action and CGI to fill him for a while. But Tim Hill’s desire for broad, family entertainment cannot be sated so easily: the Hop director has now made a deal with Fox to co-write and direct a movie called Playdate. The premise of the family film is still being kept secret, but according to Deadline, “the title is somewhat self explanatory.” So start thinking of ways a playdate could somehow result in an exasperated man tending to a wise-cracking CGI mammal, and that’s probably the movie.

Alcon Entertainment’s belated Blade Runner franchise initiative is still easy enough to question–as easy as snidely reminding everyone that Alcon had a hand in Dude, Where’s My Car?, Racing Stripes, the Wicker Man remake, P.S. I Love You, One Missed Call, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and Eddie Murphy’s live-action/CGI Hong Kong Phooey!–but it’s getting harder and harder to completely disregard the project. First the company brought on original director Ridley Scott–whose work on Alien sort-of-prequel Prometheus has shown a clear aptitude for returning to both his sci-fi past and unnerving close-ups of eyeballs–and now original Blade Runner co-writer and Scott’s fellow septuagenarian Hampton Fancher is in talks to write the screenplay.

And with that news, all doubts about this project just wash away, like tears… in rain. No, just kidding. There are still doubts to have. And as far as Fancher’s signing on goes, the biggest of those doubts is probably whether or not he’s even the one who wrote the elements that made Blade Runner endure, and worthy of half-assedly quoting in blog posts. As previously noted, Fancher only co-wrote the film, and followed it up with only The Might Quinn and the largely-forgotten Owen Wilson-as-a-serial-killer vehicle, The Minus Man. Fellow co-writer David Peoples, meanwhile, wrote Unforgiven and the dystopian cult favorite Twelve Monkeys, so there’s reason to think he might actually be the better team member to make our first pick.

Still, at least this shows Alcon is giving it a real go with this sequel (Alcon’s statement also confirmed Ridley Scott’s claim this would be a Harrison Ford-free sequel). If they can promise me a haunting, ethereal Vangelis soundtrack and at least one sexy saxophone solo, then maybe it will be about time to give this a chance, and finally stop reminding everyone these guys are trying to put Eddie Murphy in a movie about a CGI dog that does kung-fu.

Before he gets around to bringing Speed to the highbrow world of classical piano, Elijah Wood is starring in Maniac, in which he brings women’s scalps to the world of a maniac who wants to put them on his mannequins. This remake of the 1980 William Lustig cult classic was written by The Hills Have Eyes remaker Alexander Aja and directed by P2‘s Franck Khalfoun, who shot most of this version in the first-person, thus allowing us to see the world from behind the eyes of a crazy killer, who is Elijah Wood. See the trailer below, and experience what it’s like to be a maniac, and also what it’s like to be the kid from North washing your hands in a public restroom. (Not as great as you always assumed.)

This bootlegged recording will probably be pulled soon, so if you want to see the Anchorman: The Legend Continues teaser without going to a theater, now is the time to do that. Now is also the time to cream in your jeans: